She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
