I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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