Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
even my farts smell like vagina
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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