Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
