Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
