I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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