Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
