i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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