Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
