I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
