I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
