You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
