i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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