You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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