i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
