It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
