tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
