tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
