planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
