Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
