I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i think my cat just said my name.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
