she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
