They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
