I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
