Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
