Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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