I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
