I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
