last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
