I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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