Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
