Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
