who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
