god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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