What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
