you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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