i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
how does that bad decision feel?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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