If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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