I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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