I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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