Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
