Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
