She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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