ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
