Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
