My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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