oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
