his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
