I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
