Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
