I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
