I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
